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Step 9: Discern Whether 12-Step Amends Are Safe and Appropriate
While everyone’s path to addiction recovery is different, rebuilding damaged relationships is one of the first goals many people have after they achieve sobriety. Isolation, deception and secrecy are defining characteristics Sober living home of active addiction, all of which undermine trust and intimacy. After driving others away with your self-destructive behavior, making amends is one way to start repairing those connections.
- Instead, it is an action we take to compensate for what we have done.
- You may be able to find a way to make indirect amends—like utilizing the momentum of old harm and new accountability to make a fresh connection with something that means something to that relationship.
- It involves not only acknowledging the harm caused by past actions but also taking concrete steps to repair relationships and rebuild trust.
Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
The process of making amends is not about us fixing everything—that comes in living amends time and from going to meetings, attending to our recovery and cultivating a relationship to a Higher Power. Making amends is one of the most important parts of 12 step programs. So much so, in fact, that there are two steps dedicated to it.
Guidelines You Need To Set Healthy Boundaries
We may even start to think of our past as a gold https://dev-okpanz.pantheonsite.io/how-alcohol-use-affects-memory-blackouts-cognitive/ mine of experiences to share with other people we’re trying to help in recovery, instead of as a period of darkness that we regret. We stop thinking about our lives in terms of what we don’t have and begin to appreciate the gifts that we receive every single day. And finally, we are very aware that in order to keep this feeling of freedom, we’ll need to keep on applying what we’ve learned while working the steps. When we do this this we gain a new perspective and the promises of the Ninth Step come true in our lives. If we had not done the work in the first eight steps, we wouldn’t now have a foundation on which to stand while we make our amends.
The 12 Steps For Each Major 12 Step Program
Step 9 acknowledges that 12-Step amends aren’t necessary when making them places you or the other person in danger. Some cases are obvious—a woman clearly should not contact an abusive male stalker, even if she has learned about her role in the resentment from an honestly approached 4th Step inventory. Any situation that risks your or another person’s physical safety is one to avoid. There may be a safer, alternate activity to perform in lieu of a traditional conversation. Situations involving abuse, for example, may be better addressed by writing a letter you do not send but instead share it with your mental health professionals.
Positive Psychological Effects of Step 9 AA
For this reason, amends are an ongoing process without an end date. In a Psychology Today article, Winch also explained that guilt and shame play a large part in the struggle to apologize. An apology allows an individual to hear what another person feels, determines what action or behavior is or isn’t appropriate, and provides an opportunity for the hurt person to heal. By taking on the responsibility to sincerely apologize, an individual continues to build self-confidence and reinforce personal integrity. In the throes of our addiction, we may have committed a litany of moral and ethically indefensible actions. We have stolen, cheated, lied, betrayed, assaulted, or abused others.
Drug and Alcohol Detox
Instead of making direct contact, you might write a heartfelt letter expressing your remorse and then choose not to send it. Or, you might dedicate yourself to acts of kindness or service, reflecting your changed nature and commitment to not repeat past mistakes. This rectification might involve restitution — financial compensation for loss, returning items, or dedicating time and effort to help those you’ve harmed. Yet, restitution isn’t always about tangible goods or actions. It could also mean challenging your past patterns of behavior and committing to a changed way of living. It’s critical to remember that amends are more than apologies; they signify understanding, remorse, and a commitment to change.
Our Eighth Step list was our practical preparation for working Step Nine. As we go into this step we must remember to stay connected to a higher power and have faith that the previous eight steps have prepared us to work the Ninth Step. At Augustine Recovery, we understand how addiction affects the family unit. That’s why we designed a unique approach to 12-Step treatment. Those who attend our treatment programs will work all 12 Steps while in our care.
While you may genuinely want to repair your relationships, it’s a good idea to focus on your sobriety first. For example, some people may require medically supervised detox as a first step, followed by residential alcohol treatment. You cannot strip someone else of their agency to choose any more than you can eternally carry the pain of a decision you can’t change.
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